A Future to Believe In

"Fate... It's surrounded my life since before I was born."

The young woman trudged up the steep hill, taking one thoughtful step at a time in stride with her wolf-like fur, thigh high boots. She slid some of her black locks behind the curve of her ear, her other fist tightly enclosing a dear item. She took in a deep breath and closed her eyes.

"Conceived of the heritage of divine Etro's blessed blood, I was born to fulfill the martyrdom of l'Cie."

She slightly stumbled on the slope, her heel digging into the mud. She huffed in irritation and pressed on.

"When I was a child, my family tried their best to hide me. Keep me from the overbearing fate they knew I was bound to realize. I hadn't known it at the time, but they had begun to discreetly prepare me for the inevitable. My bed time stories consisted of Cocoon myths, I played games which involved battle paradigm strategies, and I was exposed to copious amounts of turmoil."

She finally made it to the very top of the hill and watched as the sun set on the horizon.

"My parents were never incredibly close to me emotionally, although they cloistered me in physically. I wasn't aware until they had been murdered by the decree of the enemy, Cocoon and its fal'Cie rulers, of their particular reason. Then, as if I had been dreaming the first seven years of my life, my innocence disappeared in the matter of days."

The wind ruffled her hair and fur lined clothing as she shaded her eyes with her hand. She looked up towards the floating former paradise in the sky known as Cocoon. Instead of the beautiful, sparkling, blue crystal orb that it used to be, it was now a dead, twisted former shell of itself.

"With my family exterminated like a pack of rats, the army brought me into its care. After a preliminary research of my background, they soon discovered my identity as a descendant of the late Amelia Villiers, daughter of Snow and Serah Villiers. As any living being on Cocoon or Pulse would know, the Villiers were a part of the original l'Cie who were able to defy certain fate and put a halt to Barthandelus' execution of the entire human race. Once they discerned this, they knew I was the one. The one who would die to free the crystalized people from the Cocoon fal'Cie's latest plot to retrieve Lindzei from the Light."

The darker layer of the horizon floating by Cocoon was emblazoned by a single burning star. Lindzei's Star. She stared up at it and swallowed the saliva that was sticking in her throat.

"I was only seven years old when they began to train me on the same level as the average foot soldier. This would be considered 'easy' compared to the trials I would be put through even just a year later and fair considering the sorts of events destiny would later throw to me. But, some how, the gods decided I would not face these alone..."

She shut her eyes and took a deep breath as she clenched her fist tighter around the treasure in her palm. Her other hand reached to the satchel on her belt and unhooked her jagged sickle knife from it. She flipped the blade around and around in her hand without even looking, a skill no where near paralleled by the other techniques she had mastered with a knife.

"It was then that I met him. It was the first day that I trained using a manadrive. If I was to become a l'Cie, I had to learn to handle magic before it or my enemies could get the best of me. My first impression of him? He was the strongest man I had ever met. I was a mere thirteen, and he was eighteen. He had recently been drafted to the ranks of the rebel army, a calling he had looked forward to. I remember he told me once that his grandfather was a prestigious sergeant and his parents had met on the battlefield. He honestly had never thought he would be able to live up to the honor that came with his last name. Yet, I could tell that first day that his power over ice was insurmountable, even when put up against that of a high ranking officer."

She analyzed the rough edge of her sickle, twisting it in her hand. It gleamed against the orange light of the fading sun.

"I wasn't charmed like a school girl crush. I wasn't exceedingly fond of him at first even. I was intimidated, seeing as he had potential that was not necessary to push to the maximum pressure to be potent. I was always... perplexed by his ability to unlock such force without the need of electric shock therapy or nights spent on survival runs alone in the wilderness. That, and that alone, was the only reason I was attracted to him."

She heaved a sigh as the knife slipped from her hand and landed discarded on the floor with a dull thud.

"I began to spend all my spare time around the man, admittedly obsessed with uncovering the answer to his unique ability. It was all selfish reasoning at first, because if I could possibly harness what he had and with my power added to it... there was no way I could fail my Focus."

She paused and stood still in a filled silence, wandering along the banks of the stream in her head.

"He was no fool. He knew I was merely using him as a way to get myself ahead. At least, you could not condemn me as it was for good reason and I bluntly acted the part. But the way he treated me only piqued my interest in him. He didn't look at me with condescension, pity, sympathy, scorn, or any combination there of. Instead, he treated me with a gentle kindness. Well, truth be told, it wasn't unlike his personality. He was a congenial man, good intention and motivation at heart. He may not have been the strongest physically or the most handsome, with his scrawny build and scruffy dirty blond hair. But he did genuinely care for the lives of his regiment and all those around him. But most of all, he didn't see me as 'the one' or 'fated' or even 'just a dispensable l'Cie'. He saw me, when no one else could."

She kneeled to the ground and hung her head, closing her eyes in a prayer like state.

"That is how my fate changed. Because I fell in love. And not with just anyone, with him."

She clasped her hand around her fist as a ways of embracing the item still preciously cared for in her palm.

"I knew if my supervisors discovered how I cared for him, they would exploit it in ways of emotional torture. They would take any means necessary to harden and fine tune me into the perfect savior, with no possibility for failure. Besides, there were millions of lives, a war, and the balance of the universe at stake should I collapse. Taking a single soldier's life as collateral damage toward the greater goal would be as simple as a snap of their fingers. However, I knew that I would break down should something happen to my beloved... and the entire resolve would be lost. So I kept my love for him secret and avoided him at all costs... even if it meant enduring extra hours of of grueling conditioning. I learned that when you truly love someone, you have to sacrifice all of yourself for the sake of their well being and happiness."

She let out a breath she didn't realize she was even holding and crumpled to the ground, exhaustion setting into her aching muscles and creaking bones.

"Surprisingly, this did not deter him in the slightest. The opposite, actually. He started to follow after me, even interrupting a mission or two to 'protect' me. I began to notice his power amplified when he fought for or with me, and unfortunately, I wasn't the only one. Soon enough, he was shooting up the ranks and pitted against enemies nearly as tough as my own. I confronted him, warned him to back down and let me handle it. It was my destiny and there was no way I was about to expose him to it. But he said he'd fight it all... for me."

She smiled wryly and rolled onto his side. She breathed in the raw, musky scent of the earth while meditating on her memories.

"The day finally came years later when the prophecy came true. The spacial rend ripped open, the pathway to the Door to Light clear and vulnerable. I was to face the fal'Cie and receive my Focus... the beginning of the end. I had my mission -- Find the other heir to fate and die fighting the fal'Cie, in order to close the rend to prevent the mixing of realms, free the millions of captured people and l'Cie, and stop the god forsaken war that ravaged the once beautiful lands of Pulse and Cocoon. It was simple. Until I woke up branded, with him matching me."

She dug her heel into the dirt and streaked a rugged line in the ground.

"I was beyond furious at him, but I wouldn't let my feelings get the best of me, not when the clock had just started ticking. He merely embraced me and finally revealed his secret to me. 'You know the myth of the creation of humans. We were created from the blood of the goddess Etro, born from a chaotic energy. The life blood she gave to us, that no other living being has is belief. It needs to be treated gently, tenderly, but... love is power that only those who believe possesses. It makes people do crazy things, like go on suicide l'Cie missions, but all the while amazing things. Things that can't be accomplished otherwise. Love creates miracles... And I can't let you go it alone. We need a miracle to get through this and... I don't want you to die. I want to marry you.'"

She opened up her fist finally, revealing the small, nondescript silver ring she had saved since that day, when he proposed to her.

"But fate had other plans."

She slipped the ring onto her finger and rotated her hand in the air, admiring it.

"We had a good, long run. We fought valiantly, making our way to Cocoon in a timely manner. We didn't waste each other's company, since we knew deep down that time was of the essence. As with any unselfish, healthy love, we gave ourselves completely and treated each other compassionately, placing the importance of even ourselves below that of the other person. And following through with that and for the love of the world... he suffered the fate worse than death."

She pressed hands over her heart, caressing the ring with her fingers gingerly.

"He allowed himself to be mangled in place of me. I held him in my arms as his brand gave out, and he told me 'Fight your fate. Use the power you've developed to create a miracle but... choose your own life.' None of my training or awareness prepared me for when he would turn Cie'th, the most important person to me suddenly a crystalline zombie. He was gone and I wouldn't take it. I fought for a miracle, to save him, because if it worked before for other l'Cie, I would make it work for me. But... I couldn't kill the Cie'th before me, even though it wanted me dead. I let him barrage me with his spiny limbs, cut deep into my feeble body. Scarred, bleeding, and loveless... I failed the mission my entire existence and purpose was meant for."

She took the ring off her finger and held it up in the sky, creating the mirage of the ring enclosing the floating Cocoon inside of it.

"I crystallized, gaining the trap of eternal life in exchange for condemning the world. They say you dream blissfully while encased in a time separate the living world, but all I could see was nightmares. The world flew by me, war raging on and more and more innocents and soldiers being killed and snatched up by the corrupt fal'Cie. I lived in that agony of knowing, but not being able to change anything for years... I had thought my first life was hard, but fate had shown me there is no bitterer torment than sitting idly by as your failures ravage on and you can't even watch it go. The me up to that point was dead... I had lost my life in the sea of lonely ambiguity and the unceasing passage of time."

She took a deep breath and heaved herself back up onto her knees.

"The fal'Cie had captured my crystal and held it close to its chest as a card to play under the table in its favor. New players entered the game years later and it placed me back onto the chessboard... this time as its pawn."

She brushed her bangs aside with her dirty hands.

"Setting me out into the world again as its own l'Cie, the fal'Cie enslaved me to a fate that it controlled on simple whim. I was once again collateral damage towards a greater goal without asking for my permission. The main difference was, this time, I minded. I was given a new team, a renewed resolve, and another chance. I had been blessed without a second life. And I knew, deep down in my heart, it was because of him and Etro. And I was going to choose my life, not have it dictated to me."

She picked up the sickle from the ground and glided her fingertip along the sharp edge of the knife thoughtfully.

"My new team consisted of a little girl by the name of Felice, an irritant called Bennet, and a boy from a parallel world named Ruki. They were... untrained and inexperienced to say the very least. I carried the weight for the team, as I was not about to let another person whose life depended on me to die a Cie'th. But I was cold and aloof due to my time spent in the crystal prison and my magic power suffered because of it. The spark that my dearly beloved ignited in me had faded and because of that my usually formidable ability was stifled. And Bennet suffered the price."

She stabbed the curved tip of her sickle into the dirt.

"Another one of my worst fears realized, yet at the same time, I had less stress. Yes, I was guilty for his death, but I'm guilty for years worth of fatalities and broken families. Entire rivers of blood and tears stained my hands, and I knew that, but I wasn't about to waste it either. The fal'Cie may have set me against the very people I lived to protect, but at the cost of my disastrous existence, I would cease this. I became narrow minded and selfish all over again, but Fate once again sent me a partner."

She scraped at the earth with her knife, the start of hole being dug.

"Why her cruel hand weaved my path with this Ruki's, I wasn't aware at first. He was a rather different boy compared to the man my beloved was. He was dark haired, feeble, ditzy, and ran into trouble without thinking. At first I was exceedingly agitated by him and his pestering questions on the world and lack of knowledge, but once I spent the late hours of the night training and pushing him, he began to display... potential. I passed on all the myths, the wisdom, and even the same sentiments I shared with my previous partner with him. He was smart, granted he paid attention to common sense. He became a sturdy brawler and was protective over Felice, citing the fact that he was empathetic and had a younger sister who had been captured by the very same fal'Cie that captured and branded us. I attempted to explain to him she was gone, but the stubborn kid wasn't looking to give up. After an altercation on the subject, I left him and Felice in the dust, going to face my destiny to die on my own."

She brushed the the hole with her hands and shaped it to continue digging.

"But he followed after me. He stupidly brought the girl and attempted to stop me... then he told me his intention. He cared crazily enough. He was willing to go on a suicide mission for the world, his sister, and me. And with that, my power returned to full force."

She lightly touched the claw shaped scar on her left cheek and stared at the ring in her dirty hand.

"Fate gave me another person to love. I took it as a sign from the universe that I was meant to continue on my journey, and we made it to the fal'Cie. During the battle, it became apparent to me that the fal'Cie's new target was Ruki and his companions from the other dimension... and my objective quickly became to follow my past lover's action. I martyred myself for his and the others' sake... but instead of fulfilling the prophecy, I became a Cie'th."

She lowered her hand from her face and played with the ring in her fingers.

"I died a second time. It turned out Fate and Etro didn't want me to end my time alive there. I woke up, alive, a third time. My numerous scars had reopened from my bashing, so I was busy bandaging myself up when Ruki arrived. He, and the true l'Cie from the prophecy, has saved me. Of course, through the belief in a better future."

She kissed the ring.

"Today marks the beginning of my third life. My Focus? Well, Cocoon and Pulse are now at peace... but the universe is unraveling, the origin of the disturbance in Ruki's world. This caused the Door to Light to open up again, and if it's not controlled, the entire harmony of the worlds will collapse. It seems everything just keeps getting tougher... but I'm thankful. Anyone else would have died long ago, few getting three incredible chances at a better life. So in reality... my newest Focus is to find happiness and peace."

She mumbled to the ring, "Thank you, Matthias. I would have never been so blessed without you. And Etro... I promise to guard your legacy, as my ascendants before me. All I ask in return is for you to continue to work through me... for the sake of your life blood."

A serene smile graced her lips as she gently placed the ring down in the hole. With a sweep of her hand, the dirt was replaced and she patted it down.

"Fate or those who have power over us, chance, or uncontrollable circumstance may have brought us to this point and made us into something we couldn't control, but that's life whether you are a god or a human or a slave or a master. The one thing that defines who we are is how we as living beings harness our potential... how we take our free will into our own hands and fight and thrive. That's one thing no one can ever take from us, and if they try, they'll have to face the fact that the strongest chaotic power comes from those who believe."  

"Natalya!"

A chuckle traveled under her breath as she recognized the ever so cheerful Ruki's call. She stood up tall, sickle knife in hand, and gazed up at the bright light that was almost like a moon. She bowed her head and put her hand over her chest in reverence at the holy Door to Light, "Here's to attaining the future we believe in. "